Your Dog Isn’t Giving You a Hard Time — They’re Having a Hard Time

One of the most powerful mindset shifts I see in my clients — and one of the most transformative for their dogs — starts with a single sentence:

Your dog isn’t giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.

It’s a deceptively simple idea. But it changes everything.

Behaviour is communication

When your dog barks, lunges, growls, freezes, jumps, or bolts — they’re not trying to ruin your day. They’re communicating that something inside them feels too big to manage.

Big feelings don’t equal bad behaviour. They equal unmet needs, stress, fear, frustration, confusion, or overstimulation. And the behaviours we find most frustrating are often your dog’s best attempt at coping with a moment they don’t understand.

The science behind the struggle

Dogs have a nervous system just like ours. When they feel overwhelmed, their brain shifts into survival mode. This might look like:

• Flight: pulling away, fleeing, bolting.

• Fight: barking, lunging, snapping.

• Freeze: stopping, refusing to move, flattening.

• Fidget: hyperactivity, mouthing, redirecting.

None of these behaviours are calculated. They’re reactive, not deliberate.

And the more stressed your dog becomes, the harder it is for them to think. The part of their brain responsible for learning, listening, and decision-making takes a backseat to pure instinct.

This is why trying to “correct” or “discipline” a dog in this state doesn’t work. They’re not being disobedient. They’re dysregulated.

What does “having a hard time” look like?

It might look like:

• Barking at every person they pass on a walk.

• Refusing to come when called in an overwhelming environment.

• Snapping at another dog after being cornered too long.

• Jumping up or mouthing when they’re overstimulated.

• Peeing indoors after a stressful encounter.

Each of these is a symptom, not a moral failing. And every single one is telling us something important about how our dog is experiencing the world.

So what can we do?

When we meet behaviour with curiosity instead of criticism, we unlock real solutions. That means:

• Looking for the why. What’s the emotion driving this behaviour?

• Reducing the overwhelm. Give your dog space, distance, breaks, and choices.

• Teaching new coping skills. Help them learn what to do when they’re unsure.

• Being kind. Because your dog isn’t misbehaving — they’re doing the best they can with the tools they have.

We also have to offer that same kindness to ourselves.

Regulation is a two-way street

When your dog is dysregulated, chances are… you’re feeling it, too. Frustration, embarrassment, fear, even shame — these are deeply human reactions. You’re not broken. You’re not alone. You’re doing your best.

So let’s rewrite the story:

• Instead of “My dog is a nightmare!” try “My dog is overwhelmed.”

• Instead of “She’s just being stubborn!” try “She might not feel safe right now.”

• Instead of “He’s giving me such a hard time,” try “We’re both having a tough moment — and we’ll figure it out together.”

Because that’s what this is all about: togetherness. Healing happens at both ends of the leash.