When We’re Both Anxious: Understanding the Emotional Feedback Loop Between Dogs and Humans

If you’ve ever found yourself gripping the lead a little too tightly, heart racing at the sight of another dog, or dreading a walk that should feel joyful — you’re not alone. And if your dog seems to pick up on that tension and react with barking, pulling, or panicking of their own? That’s not in your head either.

There’s growing evidence that our emotional states and our dogs’ emotional states are deeply connected. And I don’t mean that in some vague, feel-good way. I mean in a very real, measurable, science-backed sense. We affect one another — heart, body, and brain.

Dogs Feel What We Feel — Literally

Studies have shown that our dogs can mirror our stress levels over time. Their cortisol — that’s one of the key hormones involved in the stress response — can synchronise with ours. That means when we’re stressed long-term, our dogs can be too. And in intense moments, like at agility competitions or even just a stressful walk, their stress hormones can spike right alongside ours.

What’s more, dogs are experts at reading our emotional signals. They can interpret facial expressions, notice shifts in body language, and even pick up on changes in our tone of voice. They hear not just what we’re saying, but how we’re saying it. Even the way we hold ourselves — tense shoulders, clenched hands, shallow breathing — tells them something. And often, it tells them there’s something to worry about.

It’s Not Your Fault — But It Is Connected

If any of this makes you feel guilty, please hear this: this is not about blame. You’re not doing something wrong by being anxious. If anything, the fact that you care so deeply is exactly why you feel the way you do.

What I want to offer is a connection — not a condemnation. Because when we understand that our dogs feel what we feel, we can start creating safety together. We can begin to co-regulate. Just like a parent calms a baby by rocking and singing, we can learn to slow things down, to move gently, to breathe a little deeper — and help our dogs do the same.

The Feedback Loop: Anxiety at Both Ends of the Lead

Here’s a pattern I see all the time: a guardian gets nervous before a walk. The dog, already keyed into that tension, is primed for reactivity. They bark, or lunge, or snap. The guardian feels embarrassed or overwhelmed, maybe even ashamed. The next walk feels even harder. It’s a loop — a feedback cycle that wears down confidence on both sides.

And over time? That emotional erosion adds up — the slow wearing away of joy, connection, and self-belief. Clients have told me, “I’m the reason my dog is like this,” or “Maybe he’d be better off with someone else.” These are people who love their dogs fiercely. Who are trying so hard. And who are blaming themselves for something that isn’t their fault — it’s just the reality of shared stress, and the lack of support they’ve been given.

There’s Another Way: Healing in Tandem

Here’s the good news: just as stress can be shared, so can healing. When we support the human and the dog together, everything starts to shift. Maybe it starts with a deep breath. A different route. A few tools in your pocket — treats, a game, a new way to communicate.

Compassionate training isn’t just about changing behaviour. It’s about creating safety. It’s about rewriting the story, from “we’re broken” to “we’re learning.” From “I’m failing” to “I’m growing.”

You don’t have to be calm all the time. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to show up — with love, with a willingness to try, and with the understanding that both you and your dog are doing the best you can.

And sometimes, that’s the most powerful training tool of all.